Silent Jealousy
by Juunigatsu
Summary: A songfic. Harry love for Leena goes unrequited and this drives him into madness...*WARNING* ATTEMPTS OF SUICIDE...Please don't try suicide...A bitty witty of B/L. FLAMES ARE UNACCEPTABLE!


What if Bit and Leena were a couple? How would Harry feels about it?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Rated: R for a good reason Category: Deep Angst  
  
  
  
I'm on writer's block. Not that I have no ideas. I had MILLIONS OF THEM but it just that I'm so lazy nowadays to write it out! _;  
  
  
  
I'm been listening to this song for a while and when I found the translation, it gave me an idea! The song is "Silent Jealousy" By X Japan! The only group that I had been listening to on my stereo. ^^; The story is told in three-point view. The song is told in Harry's POV or rather tell what are his true feelings is.  
  
Oh yeah one more thing.this song also inspires me to write out my poem "Obsession."  
  
Disclaimers: If you write fanfics like this... that means you don't own anything so neither do I! Please don't sue.  
  
  
  
Flamers.flame me at your own risk.  
  
  
  
  
  
Legend  
  
*=Lyrics {}= Translation  
  
  
  
Silent Jealousy  
  
Story By Sirus Song By X Japan  
  
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We all know that Harry loves Leena deeply with all the sincerity he has with all his soul. Through his eyes and mind, she is the only one for him. Why he chose to love her, nobody, even him self knows.  
  
His life is always divided by either zoid battling, even though he is a poor pilot and battler and then his love- making (I'm talking about not sex mind you. See the dictionary. It just another word for courting.) To his "queen" of his heart, Leena Toros. Maybe it's her violet eyes or red hair. Maybe it's her interest in zoids matters to him the most. Possibly is that her personality makes her stand out above the other women that has caught his eyes. Who knows? We all know is that his life belongs to the red head beauty name Leena Toros.  
  
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* I'm looking for you Trying to reach your roses Carried away by the time  
  
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However Leena her self is not interest in poor Harry. We could see that she does returned his feeling in the same way. Because of this, poor Harry is driven with necessity to win her heart because he hope that she has love for him. Leena never shows any emotion for his tried and true love triads because she never has any love for him in the first place.  
  
She find it fun to play with his heart. She even find it useful at times when she wants something expensive at the present such as she wants chocolates she could never afford, or powerful weapons that could give her an edge in zoid battles. Other wise there is stills no love in there.  
  
Poor Harry has that driven obsession in his mind for her answer. Her answers to his question that plaque his mind for eternity.  
  
  
  
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*Seijaku no kyouki ni katame o tsubusaseta mama {Winking at the madness of silence}  
  
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One day he gathers the courage to ask her. "Will you marry me?" He asks her extremely seriously, looking her in the eye on, pleading on one knee. If she said yes then all of his efforts had paid off. He waited for an answer. There is a long silence like it seems she doesn't know how to answer. Finally she answers, "Let me think about it."  
  
He was little shock at first, but wanting to give her time (because he loves her so much) he lets her be alone for a while.  
  
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*You've gone away From the stage Leaving no words Just fake tears left  
  
Isuwari no shinju de kazatta Bara no hanataba o sagasu {Looking for that bouquet of roses, That is adorned with pearls of falsehood}  
  
  
  
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Finally after what seems like forever she talks to him again about his proposal. At first she seems to have trouble to speak but slowly she said, "Harry I like you. I like you a lot but." "But what?" "I can't marry you." He looked at her with the greatest of human despair. "Why?" She is not going to held back anything. "I'm too young to marry you. I'm mean I'm only sixteen."  
  
"I'll take care of you! I'll take care of you no matter what. I could wait a few more years but please say yes!" He said desperately, hoping that would change her mind. She shook her head and said "It's not only that." "There is more reasons why you don't want to marry me?"  
  
"Oh yes. Harry I like you but there is someone else that I like more." She sighs like she doesn't want to say it. "Harry I love Bit." He was silent for moment. "Does he know?"  
  
"We're in a relationship for three months."  
  
For three months? He thought helplessly. You been together for three months and you didn't tell me? I have been living through your little lies for the last three months?  
  
"Oh I'm glad you tell me." He said with a feign cheerfulness. Abruptly he runs away shouting back to her, "I had to go back home now! I got stuff to do." He runs away home; not a moment there is that he looks back to her.  
  
  
  
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*I'm blind insane In the red of silence Now I've lost your love  
  
Genkaku no ai ni kawareta ayatsuri ningyo {A marionette fed with an illusion of love}  
  
  
  
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At home, he passes his days staring at nothing, at a far away distant land that does not exist. In his mind he drown him self in his hell. He dreams of Leena every night and dreams he would take her away from Bit. Oh there is so many ways that could work. Way that he could make her love him all over.  
  
However his good heart says no. "You can not make any one love you." His heart says. "Especially when Leena is already in love with Bit."  
  
"What does that bastard got that I hadn't got?" He screams out loud in his mind. "I got everything I could ever have!"  
  
"Except Leena."  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
The voiceless and sometimes mocking demon in his mind lives to torture him.  
  
  
  
  
  
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*Get me on my feet Get me back to myself Pretend you love me  
  
  
  
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The demon inside him grew stronger as Harry keeps accepting his facts.  
  
"You don't have anything Leena wanted." "But I do."  
  
"No you don't.You're worthless. Your life has no value just like your fortune you'll soon inherited from your father.no value at all." "." "Now Bit he is better than you in every way. He has the looks, he has the power to win it all, he is a better zoid pilot, he has better luck and he is even a BETTER MAN THAN YOU!"  
  
Harry breathes in deeply, trying to hold himself from crying.  
  
"Leave this world Harry. The world is better without you. The world is better without all the junkyard trash like you! Get rid of yourself, you filth."  
  
Harry slowly went to the bathroom and look in the mirror. In the reflection, he didn't see him-self. He sees his demon.  
  
His demon shook his head vigorously. 'You are loser.you even let Leena go away with Bit. You're not even strong enough to make her yours and keep her in your grasp. You weakling!"  
  
"Yes.Yes I am what you said." Harry croaks through his tighten throat. His depression and despair moves through him, controlling his actions.  
  
He swung open the cabinet and looks for that sharp razor. He picks it up and looks at it with a contemplating sorrow. He let the blade touch his skin on his right wrist and slowly he slices it open, creating a wound. His warm blood pours out and flows freely as he makes another one on his left creating a pair of wounds. He gasps in pain and his spins in dizziness as he slumps on the ceramic tile floor.  
  
The last thing on his mind is Leena walking not caring he is dying.She is leaving him alone.  
  
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*Yubisaki made shinku ni somatta ore o mitsume {Look at me, stained to the fingertips with crimson}  
  
  
  
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As his blood is pouring on the floor and staining his sleeve. He looks up to the cabinet again. He spots a bottle of Tylenol. Wanting to leave this world faster he grab the small capsule bottle and pours out ten pills in his palms. He swallows them all quickly down his throat. Slowly his vision is fading, he feeling even more dizziness.  
  
"I want to die.I want to die." He thought to himself. When he took out another set of ten pills, a heavy metallic hand slap his hand, knocking the pills to the ground.  
  
"Harry what the hell are you doing!" Scream Sebastian. "Oh my god, oh god! Harry you cut your self!" Said a shocked Benjamin. "Call the ambulance quick! We need to get him to the hospital!" "Sebastian? Benjamin?" Harry said and he falls unconscious, seeing all black.  
  
  
  
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*Moe taekirenai kodoku no serenade Kyozou no umi ni nagashite Yume kara sameta chimamire no tenshi o mune ni daitemo I can not stop  
  
{I can't stand this serenade of solitude Flowing into the sea of ghost images Even if I hold to my chest The blood stain angel that has awoken I can not stop}  
  
  
  
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Harry awoken in a hospital. It takes no brainer of where he is; he is in the hospital. His wounds are wrapped around with bandages.  
  
Later his family came to visit. Mary cried and his parents were hurt and angry at this attempt at suicide. His doctor has order that he should see a therapist to help him get out of depression and prevent suicide. He agreed to it but that because his father has scared him into it.  
  
  
  
Even though he goes through the therapy session.he still thinks about Leena. The though of Bit with her, is still pressuring him into insanity. His demon cackles at him and driving him again with its facts.  
  
  
  
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*Silent Jealousy Don't you leave me alone Kanashimi ni madarete Modorenai ai o kazaru Kurikaesu kodoku no naka ni  
  
{Silent Jealousy Don't you leave me alone Falling into sadness adorned with love That I can't return to Into this repeating loneliness}  
  
  
  
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Somehow news of his attempt at suicide goes around. Maybe it was those tabloids or possible Mary, spilling her anger out. What torture.he tries to forget it all.  
  
He tries so hard to forget Leena but somehow he can't.  
  
Let go.let go dear Harry. Save your self-some trouble. He said to himself. Wait no I can't.I still love her.  
  
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*Tell me true doko ni yukeba Kurushimi o aiseru I still want your love ai o tomete Kurui saku kioku o keshite  
  
{Tell me true, wherever I go I must learn to love pain I still want your love, stop your love Extinguish the memories that grows into madness}  
  
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As he stay in the hospital trying to recover from the effect of the pills, letters of condolences pours in. Many of them came from people he doesn't know or even heard of, Possibly from his dad business friends. Others are from the opponent he once faces in zoids battles. A lot of them say they're sorry that they have ever beaten him.  
  
However one letter that he is been looking forward too is the one form the Blitz Team. As expected they said they were sorry for him too. He especially snorted contemptibly at Leena and Bit's apology. He couldn't help it. His heart quickly hardened.  
  
Ah pity.that is all he needs right now. everybody pathetic pity and his family's half-forgiving tempers.  
  
  
  
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(A/N: The following verse is a speech.)  
  
*"I just wanted to stay with you I just wanted to feel your breath of grace I didn't know what to do I couldn't say anything When consciousness returned Everything had been washed away By the tide of time, even you  
  
But the scars of memory never fades away I can't stop loving you Stop my tears Stop my loving Kill my memories"  
  
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As he lies there in his bed, he turns quite bitter about everything. Probably those therapy secessions have worked. He got his sense of being himself back.  
  
However he regrets his mistakes. In sadness, he regrets everything. Why he can't stop feeling sad? He doesn't know.  
  
  
  
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(A/N: Okay back as a song.)  
  
*You dyed my heart in blood No way to killed my sadness Tachisaru mae ni koroshite Kyouki no ai ni dakareta hitomi wa Nani mo mienai Ima mo I miss you Can't live without you  
  
{You dyed my heart in blood No way to kill my sadness Kill me before you leave! I can't see anything with The eye that holds a maddening love Even now, I miss you Can't live without you}  
  
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He shook his head. Let her go Harry. He said to himself. She is out of your reach, you can't tap to her anymore.  
  
The demon inside of him is growling silently in menace. Harry recognizes his demon named "Silent Jealousy."  
  
No, Silent Jealousy. Harry scolded the demon gently. I got a life to live because I know I have a promising future.  
  
Harry being rich with his fortune is indeed a promising future.  
  
Silent Jealously you never control me again.  
  
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*Silent Jealousy yume ni ochite Dakishimeru kioku o Stay in yesterday toki o tomete Kurikaesu kodoku o keshite  
  
  
  
{Silent Jealousy fall into a dream Keep holding on to the memory Stay in yesterday, stop the time Extinguish the recurring memory}  
  
  
  
Take me back Take me back to the memory, To the dream  
  
Silent Jealousy Don't you leave me alone Kanashimi ni midarete Kill me, love  
  
  
  
{Silent Jealousy Don't you leave me alone Falling into sadness Kill me, love}  
  
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However despite all that.he can't help but to miss her.  
  
  
  
  
  
The end  
  
  
  
  
  
Authoress: I hear a voice in my head.hey it's my own demon! =D It said "WRING BIT CLOUD'S NECK RIGHT NOW!!!!!"  
  
  
  
By the way if there is some scene that seems stupid dismiss it. I wrote down from the top of my head because I got no idea on what to do! ^^; 


End file.
